I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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