Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
