Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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