Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
