I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
