He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
