I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
