I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
