Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
