I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
