new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
