So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
