I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just google imaged poop.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
