where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
