dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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