Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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