haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
