what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
