found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So vagazzling was a success
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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