I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
