Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
