I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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