What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
