Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
