i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
