there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
