How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
