i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
