Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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