i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
