did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
