Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Randomize
