We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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