it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
