I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
