remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
