We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
