I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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