some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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