i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
