I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
