maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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