I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I look better un-naked...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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