I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
