if you like me you must not know who I am
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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