if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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