my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
