we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
