To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
