Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
