Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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