Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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