She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
