i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
