tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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